[ br0kenn`dreammx ] faraway and unreachable

Thursday, March 10, 2005

the love i hadd for uu..

todayy, i criedd in class.. =) was thinkingg 'bout himm and listenin to mp3 player.. alot of songs that reminddx me of him.. den i wrote all that i was thinkin on a piece of paper.. almost full le.. hahaz.. got time i scan in den put it here..

english words ::
br0kenn``dreammx
bLacKK`StArr
in my heArt, y0u wi neveR be repLaCedd..
all the promises you gave me... it all went down the drain...
i wan you back badly, dear..
you once said that you really love me.. but why must you leave knowing that my heart will be broken? why must you lie that it's all because you love me and you dont wan me to be hurt again... but the hurt you left me, the scar you gave me, left me crying... i no longer smile, i no longer can be happie anymore. your love took all the smiles from my life. i am numb from all the other hurtings already. nothing will make mecry again except for the days and nights that i miss you... everynite i would think of you a million times and pray hard that you will be happy and blessed with the girl you truly love and that she loves you like i do... i dont know how long will it takes for my love for you to fade away but i know each time i think of you, i cry harder, knowing that i've lost you and that you will never come back. i am still waiting for the day my heart will no longer feel the pain of you going away... i am no longer happy, the smile on my face went away. since the day you left... i dont know how i got through all the days i have without you. i dont know how many days have passed by but i know that i tried to love another, i tried to hate you but it didn't work. i end up hurting myself more and missing you even more..

chinese words ::
hao xiang hao xiang hao xiang ni..
wo bu zai kai xin..
ying wei ni li kai de na yi tian,
ni yi ba wo de xin dai zuo..
bie shuo dui bu qi..
wo zhen de hao ai ni..
dang ni li kai de na yi tian, wo de xin yi zhi zai xia yu..
wo bu xiang fang shou, hao xiang jing jing bao zhe ni bu fang kai..
dan ni zhi shuo le dui bu qi..
ying wei ai wo zai bu yuan yi rang wo shang xin?
dang shi ni bu zhi dao,
ni li kai de na yi tian hou,
wo zai ye kuai le bu qi lai.
ru guo ni zhen de ai wo,
na wei he ni yao pian wo.
nan dao ni bu zhi dao wo you duo ai ni ma?
mei tian wo si hu huo zai ni de hui yi li.
xiang ni yi qian dui wo de hao,
ni suo shuo de yi yan yi yu.
wo zhen de hao xiang ni.
ni zhi dao ma?
mei yi tian dou hen nan guo,
wo xiang, wo shi wei le ni,
wo gu qi yong qi ji xu huo xia qu.
wo hai zai deng dai ni hui lai de na yi tian.
cong lai mei fa ba ni fang xia,
mei ba ni wang ji.
yi zhi yi zhi zai deng,
deng dao ni hui lai de na yi tian.
wo de xin, yong yuan dou zhi shu yu ni de.
xin li zai ye mei you bie ren nen dai ti ni zai wo xin li de wei zhi.

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`7:17 PM]
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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

sianedd life..

6 March went out with ben, shengg, samuel and ben's cousin to bugis.. play billiardd.. den they took cab send me and ben's cousin home.. den at night he tell me shengg told him that if me and ben not together then he consider jio me.. =.= denn 7 March.. =D shii and benn together le.. stay at home whole dayy.. 8 March oso!!! see i so good gurl.. ^-^ nx wk holidays le!!! lols.. denn later goin down point slackk.. gs ytd kena whack till eyes got dunno how many stitches.. >.< hand oso dunno like wadd shit.. hais.. den jus now jo oso msg me.. he still thinkk that i'm his dear baz? hais.. i miss u..

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`4:15 PM]
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Saturday, March 05, 2005

i shouldd be strong and not cry le.. =)

hais.. i keep telling myself i should be strong and not cry.. but the tears jus overflow frm my eyes.. >.<

these few dayz.. wedd and thurs go sch.. yeah same routine.. cant reallie rmbb wad happened.. cried in class if i'm not wrong? over my parents again.. den ytd fridayy after sch meet ben ben go orchard.. bumped into his frenz at cine k-pool den play billard together slack ard cine.. at night samuel came down oso den dunno wan go whr so took cab back to hougang bought some beer and drank at the playground near my hse.. den reach hmm ard 12 plus denn slp till 9 plus todayy den went to meet cheryl and her church frenx go bukit timah salvation army sports centre play captains ball.. till 3 plus den took bus 67 to bedok.. wanted to help my mum den end up went home.. den reach hm slp till 7 plus eat dinner halfway ran out of hse.. went to hougang point called ah pa down company me.. hadd a smk den went home le.. tata.. that's why i'm here to blog.. below will be elaborated version of wadd happened to me and why it's sucha screwed up dayy..

i criedd at k-pool ytd cuz the techno playin while the guys were playin k-pool remindds me of all the sadd past.. black for white, spirit of ytd.. alot lars.. is black for white which made me wanna cry.. oso dunno why.. den ben kept makin me confusedd over wad i should do.. hais.. he treats me real good but i dunno wadd i thinkin oso.. blahh.. >.< den this mornin supposed to go tzu chi to help out but i didnt go cuz if i go tzu chi, i will be damn late for captains ball and i dunno how to go there.. so endd up, i got screwed when my mum know that i didnt go.. i was at her place for like 5 minx den i got pissedd by the wayy she talk and behave towardds me, so i jus took my bag and went home.. before that, when i was playin captains ball, joel calledd.. hais.. i dunno how to tell him.. but he still treats me as his dearr.. hais.. den reachhed home, whole day nv eat, den went to slp.. till 7 plus eat the rice my bro bought.. den he for no reason shouted at me, say why i no respect for my dad and everyone.. den like wan to slap me again.. i was so pissedd but i cant fight back.. cuz i noe i'll still lose.. so i jus changed and went down.. cryin like a baby.. hais.. calledd ah pa down to pei me.. den after awhile came home.. so here i am now.. my dad like alright with me lehs.. i dun understand why my mum and bro like always findin trouble with me.. hais.. wadever.. i do wadeva i like.. wadeva i wan.. and be happie.. =) no one can stopp me..

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`10:27 PM]
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Tuesday, March 01, 2005

irritatingg dayy.. >.<

todayy.. slp quite a few lessons.. alot of free periods.. quite sians.. dawn cried agains.. over that guy.. irritatingg sia.. why do guys have to be the reason for tears to fall from our faces.. o.O wait.. still got alot for me to complain about.. >.< duringg assembly, i saw ben'z number appear on my fone.. den i jus bend down to answer the call lors.. den end up, his fren tell me he kena knocked down by car den now goin hospital.. wah i ji tao chua tio but his voice not convincingg lors.. but den he sent me a msg using ben'z fone sayin he might not live.. den i jus cried.. ran out of the hall, went to the toilet called him.. >,< end up he bluff mi de.. =.= so angrie.. den walk out of sch.. saw that si charbohh.. i stared at her den she dare stare back sia.. i jus turned ard and "!@#$%^&*(" and scream at her.. lols.. dawn, shie hian and yongshu keep pulling me away.. >.< was so pissed at her lors.. if they nv stop me i comfirm continue scold till she hot de.. lols.. but i bet she'll not dare to do anithingg de lor.. is i scared i buey lun den go slap her at sch gate..
sianz.. so here i am now.. at home.. jus finish eatin lunch.. gtg le.. most prob later meetin xian.. lala.. buais.. =)

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`5:00 PM]
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Sunday, February 27, 2005

moodyy..

hais.. after mummie send me mocking bird of eminem thru msn, i listen le ji tao very moody.. sighs.. dunno why liddat oso.. felt the tears rolling down my cheeks.. jus called jo too.. he said he's in hospital visitin his granddad.. dunno why, after i put down the fone, i wan to cry again.. hais.. blastin techno on the comp isnt good enough.. hais.. i dun have the comfort i need.. dun feel like doin anithing.. dun feel like living.. blah.. life sucks..

[ moodswingg`bitch ]

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`11:38 AM]
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sadded 1st month..

ytd went down to mummie's place after i woke up.. ard 2 plus ars.. den slackk at her shop.. her frenz came over.. thinkk they interested to take over baz.. den ard evening met ben and samuel near mummie's place eat dinner and slackk.. jus sittin down at the playground den ben kept askin me whie i look so sad.. den ask me to cry.. i mean, is there ani need for me to cry animore.. i noe wadds goin on and i already give up le.. i cant even cry animore.. when i was on the bus on the way home, i was thinkin through all that has happened.. winst,merv,dex,jo,rui.. i was jus stupidd enough to believe in all the lies.. =) i jus gotta grow upp..

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`11:06 AM]
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Friday, February 25, 2005

new bl0gg`!!!

you're my honeybunch..sugarplum..pumpy-umpy-umpkin..you're my sweetiepie..you're my cuppycake..gumdrop..snoogums-boogums! you're the apple of my eye..and i love you so and i want you to know..that i'll always be right here..and i love to sing sweet songs..to you..because you are so dear.]

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`5:27 PM]
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Thursday, February 24, 2005

new blog post!!! =D

new blog.. kinda happie.. hmms.. shall start anew baz.. lolx.. but it's a bad starting.. >.< last night meet my frens go upper serangoon.. they put tattoo den we went to heartland mall see my fren de fren.. lols.. den went back to serangoon meet jack and zhenjie.. jack brought with him a puppy 45 dayz old only!!! damn cute.. lols.. den i keep huggin the puppy, it also fell asleep in my laps.. haiz.. remindx me of the past, of him lyin on my lap, fallin asleep by the beach.. hmms.. den i sorta like talk to the dog when we're at the playgroundd.. it seems to understand me but oh well, it cant reply me.. =x last night came home at abt 11.. hmms.. showed my parents the giro slip for lettin me take my n levels den end up both like dun wan pay.. went to slp playin dai dee, this mornin woke up, forgot to bring hp to sch, fightin back my tears all the way frm the busstop till i reach sch when i finallie broke down and went to the toilet to cry.. =.= aint i stupidd? hahaz.. aniways.. i goin out to meet mui sista, jack and zhenjie slackk.. in a hurry but jus wanna see this new blog got long long entries.. wahahahahaz.. =x hahaz.. by the way, tml is me and jo de 1st month.. hmms..// should i meet him or jus watch movie with my another fren? blahhz.. go buy cigs and meet frens first.. worrie abt that at night.. lalala!!! =x ciaos!

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i walk [`alone`] at | [`6:52 PM]
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